Overwhelmed

Somedays it seems like all I do is sort out problems for other people and I end up sitting at my computer til the wee hours trying to solve problems and make people's lives better. It sounds like not such a bad thing but then when that's all you do, inevitably the thought creeps in is this all I am and what if this is taken from me. What if I can't keep this up? What if I fail? Then this fear starts to envelope everything covering your eyes with a dark shroud and clouding your mind so that you end up making bad decisions and adding more stress to your life and reaffirming that you can and will fail.
Then the wall that you have created to support you starts to crack and eventually the levees break and the tears flow. I spent the better part of a cloudy Sunday crying my heart out for no particular reason except to let all the frustration, fear and anger out. Frustration that I can't do everything, that I am only human and that the support I need I do not have in all areas of my life. Fear that I do have things to learn but will I have enough time to learn them and still do my job well. Anger that there is not enough time in the day to get everything done.
I go to my dark place when I all these emotions well up and I am trying my best to keep the darkness at bay but there are days when it overwhelms my body and soul and I can't seem to dig out of it for a short while. The good thing is that the darkness only stays briefly because my inner sun shines so much brighter these days.
The long hard cry on Sunday cleansed my soul and I came out of it so much better. I am calm now, I re-centered myself and I am able to pick up where I left off and tackle the days events.
I am proud of myself because I am able to keep the light shining within me longer than I ever could before. I just need to remember to stop and re-center myself when everything gets overwhelming and focus on what matters most.
Life is a challenge but it is also a gift. One that needs to be appreciated and treated with care. We forget that most days but we need to try to enjoy the moment for there will never be another one like it ever again.