Lately I've been struggling to find the energy to keep up the pace that my life has grown into. I am on the go all the time it seems but really I am standing still. I seem to fill my days with work and not much else, hence the feeling of motionless. My career is going well, but I am so focused on that I've lost the overall view of my life and that is to actually live it.
I love my job, but I am starting to wonder if that is all I am, and if that went away who would I be. I am afraid that as I have been healing this past year from all the emotional stress that I've gone through that I've hidden within the walls of my office in order to not deal with everything head on. I need to change this, I know that there are things in my life that I do want to do, I just have to work to find balance in my life. If I find inner peace and contentment to a degree with myself and how my life is going so far, which isn't terrible but is unexpected. I don't have a plan anymore, I don't have a direction and I am floating around in the empty space that is my life looking for things to bump into so they will ground me or give me some sort of nudge and re-focus my energies.
I feel like a lost soul sometimes and others I feel free to fly amongst the stars and dream the biggest wildest dreams. This is where I need to find me, I am a combination of a lost soul flying free among the starry sky dreaming of amazing and wonderful things that I will make come true because I never give up. I am not completely lost, nor am I completely free and perhaps I need to come to terms with being in the middle and learn to navigate my life this way instead of wishing it was something else.
I can find balance and I will and once there I will be even more amazing than I already am. Egotistical may be...but after years of feeling like I could not do anything right it feels good just to find one thing fabulous about me without anyone pointing it out. :)
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