Finding Balance

In this crazy world of ours we all strive to find balance. It seems like we try to be everything for everyone all the time and then one day you pause to take in the scenery and it has changed without you noticing.

Balance seems like such a simple concept, everything in moderation will allow you the time to fit it all in. As most things, it works in theory.

We work so hard all the time in order to find a moment to enjoy and it seems to me that is backwards. We need to enjoy the moment as it happens otherwise what is the point. Work will still be there, but those precious moments that life has to offer will not be. We end up missing out on the important parts, we miss out on the great people who are part of our life fill it with so much joy. Why would we want to miss any second of that. It seems to me that we're working so hard so that later in life we can enjoy the finer things, when we forget that the finer things in life are really just being able to enjoy life with those we love.

As I find myself on the edge of burn out, I am starting to realize how important enjoying the small simple pleasures that life has to offer are and I am yearning to spend more time being in the moment than planning past it. It's a hard tight rope to walk and I find I am in conflict with myself often, between being responsible and dedicated to letting my whimsical side loose so I can play and enjoy a summer night on the swings looking up at the stars without a care in the world.

Ever just stopped and allowed yourself to be captivated by the world around you. The starry night sky, the bright full moon shining down on the green grass and the maple trees as they gently blow in the warm summer breeze. It is breathtaking and its all around us. It reminds us that there is more to life. Stop and take it in, it'll do wonders for your soul.

Jumping Through Hoops

Lately I've been struggling to find the energy to keep up the pace that my life has grown into. I am on the go all the time it seems but really I am standing still. I seem to fill my days with work and not much else, hence the feeling of motionless. My career is going well, but I am so focused on that I've lost the overall view of my life and that is to actually live it.
I love my job, but I am starting to wonder if that is all I am, and if that went away who would I be. I am afraid that as I have been healing this past year from all the emotional stress that I've gone through that I've hidden within the walls of my office in order to not deal with everything head on. I need to change this, I know that there are things in my life that I do want to do, I just have to work to find balance in my life. If I find inner peace and contentment to a degree with myself and how my life is going so far, which isn't terrible but is unexpected. I don't have a plan anymore, I don't have a direction and I am floating around in the empty space that is my life looking for things to bump into so they will ground me or give me some sort of nudge and re-focus my energies.
I feel like a lost soul sometimes and others I feel free to fly amongst the stars and dream the biggest wildest dreams. This is where I need to find me, I am a combination of a lost soul flying free among the starry sky dreaming of amazing and wonderful things that I will make come true because I never give up. I am not completely lost, nor am I completely free and perhaps I need to come to terms with being in the middle and learn to navigate my life this way instead of wishing it was something else.
I can find balance and I will and once there I will be even more amazing than I already am. Egotistical may be...but after years of feeling like I could not do anything right it feels good just to find one thing fabulous about me without anyone pointing it out. :)

Overwhelmed

Somedays it seems like all I do is sort out problems for other people and I end up sitting at my computer til the wee hours trying to solve problems and make people's lives better. It sounds like not such a bad thing but then when that's all you do, inevitably the thought creeps in is this all I am and what if this is taken from me. What if I can't keep this up? What if I fail? Then this fear starts to envelope everything covering your eyes with a dark shroud and clouding your mind so that you end up making bad decisions and adding more stress to your life and reaffirming that you can and will fail.
Then the wall that you have created to support you starts to crack and eventually the levees break and the tears flow. I spent the better part of a cloudy Sunday crying my heart out for no particular reason except to let all the frustration, fear and anger out. Frustration that I can't do everything, that I am only human and that the support I need I do not have in all areas of my life. Fear that I do have things to learn but will I have enough time to learn them and still do my job well. Anger that there is not enough time in the day to get everything done.
I go to my dark place when I all these emotions well up and I am trying my best to keep the darkness at bay but there are days when it overwhelms my body and soul and I can't seem to dig out of it for a short while. The good thing is that the darkness only stays briefly because my inner sun shines so much brighter these days.
The long hard cry on Sunday cleansed my soul and I came out of it so much better. I am calm now, I re-centered myself and I am able to pick up where I left off and tackle the days events.
I am proud of myself because I am able to keep the light shining within me longer than I ever could before. I just need to remember to stop and re-center myself when everything gets overwhelming and focus on what matters most.
Life is a challenge but it is also a gift. One that needs to be appreciated and treated with care. We forget that most days but we need to try to enjoy the moment for there will never be another one like it ever again.